If you did not read yet the initial letter I sent out to everyone on the Earth Rainbow Network list to break the news about my decision to quit Truth Fellowship, then
CLICK HERE FIRST.
NOTE
: THIS LETTER BELOW HAS BEEN SENT ON JANUARY 25, 1999 TO SIMON KADWELL, FOUNDER OF TRUTH
FELLOWSHIP AND AUTHOR OF 2 BOOKS, "SERVERS OF THE DIVINE PLAN" AND "A CALL TO AWAKENING".
I'VE DECIDED TO MAKE IT AVAILABLE ON THE WEB SO AS TO LET EVERYONE INTERESTED SEE AND UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE DECIDED TO QUIT AND AS A WARNING
TO THOSE OTHER PEOPLE STILL INVOLVED OR CONSIDERING TO GET INVOLVED. NOTE ALSO THAT THE NAMES OF SOME PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THEIR PRIVACY.
If you want to read the some of the 62 feedbacks initially received to this letter below from some of the 900+ people on the emailing list of the Earth Rainbow Network,
CLICK HERE.
If you already read those initial feedbacks and want to read even more feedbacks and comments received soon after,
CLICK HERE.
Since more and more people have been sharing their feelings and most personal experiences as a result of the posting of "The Time of Reckoning" letter, I have decided to continue posting here these large emails sent out to the entire list for future reference by anyone interested. It's certainly worth a look as some of these letters are very inspiring, entertaining or even provocative.
January 31, 1999 - More feedbacks on the feedbacks.
February 1, 1999 - Yet more feedbacks.
February 4, 1999 - Very special ones: the sharing of personal experiences.
THE TIME OF RECKONING
This is the end of the manipulation game as far as I'm concerned.
After due consideration to a growing number of facts calling for a complete reappraisal
of my involvement with Truth Fellowship, I've come to the conclusion that I've been
thoroughly misled and completely conned by you Simon Kaddy.
A number of alarm bells had already started ringing when I realized you had used your
position as the leader of a spiritual group to seduce Alexandra and satisfy your
craving for beautiful young ladies. I was outraged and yet, through cunning manipulation
and the use of Deborah as a pawn in your mind-control games, you had succeeded in
making me again an accomplice of your ploys. The fact of the matter was that, after
shifting so much of my life towards serving your lofty projects and after being led
in believing so much of what you professed, I did not want to let go of this all-consuming
dedication to the Service of the Divine Plan - as I said before, my longing to serve
God was stronger than my repulsion of what I had been observing about you.
But then finally, after being back here, far away from your day-to-day influence,
and long enough to distill down the whole affair to what it really is -- despite
all that you may attempt to claim to the contrary; after also hearing some new facts
from Margaret when she called me last Friday, things, for instance, like the fact that the
real motive why it was so urgent for you and Deborah to leave Australia was due to
the demand from the man who paid for the publishing of Servers of the Divine Plan
to get his money back; and the fact that you psychologically manipulated Margaret in using her
savings to pay for moving you and all your stuff to England, buy yourself a car and
pay for all your expenses there, and all the while being clear with her that if she
was not paying for all this, you would no longer pay attention to her - because actually
you only wanted her to send her money; and the fact that, as now verified by Margaret
and myself at http://www.LectoriumRosicrucianum.org/index.htm, most of the material
forming the basis of your much vaunted correspondence course which so much impressed
me, comes directly from the Lectorium Rosicricianum, and is thus a shameless theft
of teaching from another authentic esoteric school with no credit at all mentioned
anywhere, making your so-called "Truth" Fellowship a genuine imitation spirituality organization
just as any of those you decry in your books...
As a proof of this, here are 3 paragraphs taken from this website mentioned above:
"Why does the dialectical nature order exist? To understand why this dialectical world
exists, it helps to remember that there is a plan underlying creation. The International
School of the Golden Rosycross calls this 'the divine plan.' You could imagine the divine plan flowing like a stream, with a certain direction, momentum, and destination.
Every creation is free to move in and out of the stream at will, gathering experiences
along the way. However, as long as the creation always returns to the stream and remains, overall, in harmony with it, it will be carried along by the current,
and all will be well. But if, in free will, a creation wishes to maintain itself
permanently in a state not in harmony with the stream of the divine idea, what happens
then? Let us try to see the logical answer to that question.
We can imagine what happens if we continue with our analogy of a stream of flowing
water. If a creation seeks to exclude itself from the flow of the divine current,
because it wants to hold onto some aspect of it, and make it permanent rather than
allowing it to flow, it can only do so by becoming crystallized, like a heavy stone in the
water. Then, because it is crystallized, heavy, it can no longer experience the helping,
carrying effects of the current, but will experience its flow as a series of buffetings, just as any obstruction does when placed in flowing water.
This is a much simplified image of how the two nature orders have come into existence:
the divine nature order -- where the helping, carrying, continuously developing effects
of the divine stream are experienced; and the dialectical nature order -- the world we know -- in which the correcting effects of the divine stream are experienced,
so that nothing is allowed to last and everything is constantly brought back to its
starting point."
AND HERE IS WHAT IS TO BE FOUND IN LESSON #7 OF TRUTH FELLOWSHIP CORRESPONDENCE COURSE:
Firstly, it helps to remember that there is a plan underlying all of Creation. Truth
Fellowship calls this the 'Divine Plan'. You could imagine the Divine Plan flowing
like a stream, with a certain direction, momentum, and destination. Many creatures
are left free to move in and out of the stream at will, gathering experiences along the
way. However, as long as the creature always returns to the stream and remains, overall,
in harmony with it, it will be carried along by the current, and all will be well.
But if, using its free will, a creature wishes to maintain itself permanently in a
state that is not in harmony with the stream of the Divine Plan of Evolution, what
happens then?
If a creature seeks to exclude itself from the flow of the divine current, because
it wants to hold onto some aspect of it, and make it permanent rather than allowing
it to change with the flow, it can only do so by becoming crystallised, like a heavy
stone in the water. Then, because it is crystallised, heavy, it can no longer experience
the helping, forward-flowing effects of the current, but will experience that same
beneficent flow as a series of buffetings, just as any obstruction does when placed
in flowing water.
This is a much simplified image of how the two nature orders came into existence:
the divine nature order - where the helping, carrying, continuously developing effects
of the divine stream are experienced; and the dualistic or fallen nature order in
which the correcting effects of the divine stream are experienced, so that ultimately nothing
is allowed to last and everything is constantly brought back to its starting point.
(end of quote)
Not only the correspondence course is clearly a slightly adapted forgery of the teaching
of the Lectorium Rosicricianum organization based in The Netherlands, but you do
not hesitate one second to pretend those lessons have been compiled by "certain members of Truth Fellowship" as proven in this response you gave last week to a question
submitted to me by a current student of this course, which I had forwarded to you:
Dear Jean,
Thank you for lessons 3 & 4. I had an experience three years ago of non-dual awareness.
That is probably why I am drawn to the work of the Truth Fellowship. I KNOW that
what you are speaking of is the Truth and is the future of mankind.
First, are you writing these lessons? Where do they come from? Not that it really
matters, but I would be interested to know.
And your response Simon was:
THE LESSONS ARE A RE-PRESENTATION OF THE UNIVERSAL DOCTRINE, SOMETIMES KNOWN AS THE
'GNOSIS'. THE LESSONS HAVE BEEN COMPILED BY CERTAIN MEMBERS OF TRUTH FELLOWSHIP WHO
UNDERSTAND AND SO WALK THE TRUE PATH OF SERVICE AND TRANSFIGURATION.
(end of quote)
Verily, Simon the path you are now really walking is the path of lie and deception
and, from your last response to my email where I was pointing out to you a number
of things that felt really wrong to me, I can now see that your are in a deep state
of denial regarding the facts I pointed out to you.
For instance, you did not even respond to the first part of my letter - actually you
conveniently ignored it in your response - where I was writing:
"Hello Simon and Deb
I'm finally getting around to reconnecting with you by email after a looong week of
catching up with all kinds of things... and some soul searching as well.
I was quite surprised and a bit disappointed of not seeing you one last time, Simon,
to drive us at the train station - although I was for sure very happy to see Deborah
who courageously drove us there after a very short night of sleep.
And in retrospect, I was also quite unhappy to be charged by Deborah, just a few minutes
before taking the departing train, with the unappealing mission of trying to secure
a promise from Sylvia not to mention anything to Margaret about what happened with
Alexandra. Unhappy because you had plenty of time to do it yourself before we were
to leave. Unhappy because this kind of thing has everything to do with fear (of not
getting Margaret's money and being stuck with no funding in less than one month as
Deb indicated) and nothing to do with the truth - which *Truth* Fellowship is supposed to
be all about, isn't it? Unhappy also because if none of this had happened in the
first place (including the "coddling" session with Margaret), we wouldn't be wasting
our time on such a silly matter."
(end of quote)
True, in another initial response to my email you wrote "For now let me say that it
is Deb's business what she says and why." But I clearly remember Deborah telling
me when she was asking me to try to convince Sylvia not to speak to Margaret about
your attempted love-making affair with beautiful Alexandra in the Chalice Well House in Glastonbury
for fear that Margaret would stop sending you money, that she mentioned she was asking
this at your request and she repeated to me a reason you suggested to present to Sylvia as a rational to keep her mouth shut.
Poor Deb has been manipulated for years and has now become a willing albeit sometimes
reluctant "partner" in your schemes. We all feel sorry for her situation and all
hope she will soon learn to stand up to you and walk her own path in life.
As far as all your other comments are concerned, it obviously all come down to denying
any wrongdoing on your part, a continuation of your pattern of denial and manipulation
to try to bring me back under your control, using fear...
BEWARE. PERSONALITY IDENTIFICATION REGULARLY RUINS SO MUCH POSITIVE GROUP-POTENTIAL.
AS YOU FORGET YOURSELF, TRY ALSO TO FORGET OTHER SELVES, OTHERWISE LUCIFER WILL HAVE
NO TROUBLE WITH YOU.
... using the darkest imagery...
I AM DEADLY SERIOUS, JEAN, AND SO SHOULD YOU BE IF YOU WISH TO
SEE THE IMPENDING STORM THROUGH AND KNOW VICTORY. IF YOU ARE SUCCUMBING TO THE VOICES
OF THE NIGHT ALREADY AT THIS STAGE OF THE WAITING PERIOD, NOW, TODAY, AND SO EXPRESSING
PERSONALITY SEPARATION IN YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS, THEN WHAT WILL HAPPEN DO YOU THINK
WHEN ARMAGEDDON IS IN FULL SWING ON ALL LEVELS AND WHEN THE DARK ONE ARRIVES AT YOUR
LEFT SHOULDER AND DEMANDS HIS KARMIC DUES?
... using denigration of others to put the blame on them...
IT IS NO SECRET THAT DEB'S LOWER VEHICLES ARE POSSESSED BY (THE JEWISH) EVIL AS WELL
AS THE FEMININE SICKNESS, AS ARE MANY/MOST SERVERS TODAY.
... portraying yourself as a master of knowledge in evil matter and even referring to
"truth, God and the Divine Plan" to wake me up...
SOON ENOUGH YOU MAY HAVE WISHED THAT YOU HAD SPENT AT LEAST
HALF THE TIME THAT I HAVE DONE IN THIS LIFE IN RESEARCHING THE NATURE OF EVIL AND
OF ALIGNING YOURSELF PERFECTLY WITH YOUR SOUL. I DO NOT SEEK TO INSTIL FEAR IN YOU,
OF COURSE, BUT RATHER TO *SHOCK* YOU INTO INTELLIGENT WAKEFULNESS, FOR YOUR GREATEST
TRIAL IS NOW NOT TOO FAR OFF, THE TIME FOR PREPARATION - INTELLIGENT AND REAL - IS NOW,
AND YOU MAY WISH, THEREFORE, TO EARNESTLY REVIEW IN CONTEMPLATION JUST HOW MUCH YOU
REALLY LOVE THE TRUTH, GOD AND THE DIVINE PLAN MORE THAN YOU CARE OR FEAR FOR THE
FALLEN SELF IN ALL ITS IGNORANCE.
... predicting the imminent end of the world...
NUFF SAID ON THIS FOR NOW, BUT IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD BE ASKING QUESTIONS INCESSANTLY
UNTIL I KNEW FOR SURE WHAT WOULD BE THE OUTCOME FOR JEAN HUDON IN THE DARK NIGHT
WHICH IS ABOUT TO VISIT ALL HUMANITY.
... reaffirming your avatar status (which *you* mentioned to us when you draw the picture
with the 7 circles during a satsang session) as one coming from Arcturus...
NOW, WITH REGARD TO THE AVATAR QUESTION (WHICH WAS ORIGINALLY REVEALED IN EARNEST
BY DEB), LET ME ASK YOU THIS: IF YOU RECALLED THAT BEFORE THIS HUMAN INCARNATION
YOU WERE ALIVE AND WELL IN ARCTURUS, AND SO YOU REMEMBERED THAT YOU ARE A SPECIFIC
KIND OF HEALER, THEN WOULD IT NOT BE YOUR SPLENDID DUTY TO PRESENT YOUR CALLING CARD TO THE
REST OF THE GROUP AND SO OFFER YOUR SERVICES (YOUR KEYS) UNEQUIVOCALLY AND SINCERELY
FOR THE BENEFIT OF ALL?
... trying to use the teaching lifted up from other authentic sources to have me forget
once again about these "problems" I was pointing out to you and forcefully presenting
yourself as the boss in charge who *knows* what he is doing, with the continuous
looming threat of a last chance opportunity, just about to end, given to me...
PLEASE BE ATTENTIVE TO THE TEACHINGS AND KNOWLEDGE THAT IS BEING GIVEN TO YOU, JEAN.
CEASE ALL THIS FUSSING OVER NON-ESSENTIALS. IT IS SUCH A WASTE OF TIME AND ENERGY.
I *KNOW* WHAT I AM DOING. LATER YOU WILL COME TO UNDERSTAND. FOR NOW, YOU WILL DO
WELL TO *TRUST* ME, RECALLING YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES FROM READING WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN.
IF YOU CAN PUSH ASIDE YOUR CONTENTIONS WE MAY DO MUCH IN SYNERGETIC UNION FOR THE
GOOD OF THE WORLD. THIS IS YOUR CALLING AND YOUR OPPORTUNITY; IT HAS ITS TERM.
... putting the blame on me for not understanding you...
PLEASE *DO* OPEN YOUR EYES, JEAN, FOR I AM RELUCTANT TO
ATTEMPT TO EXPLAIN THESE THINGS TO YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN. YOUR SHORT-TERM MEMORY IS
NOT AS IT SHOULD BE AND NEITHER IS YOUR YEARNING FOR HOLY COMMUNION.
... while refusing to examine your own behaviour as you indicated in your response to
my plea to correct in yourself what is wrong when I wrote...
"We are all in this together, and we are bound to succeed if we can learn from our
mistakes/learning experiences, avoid repeating them, and continue to be very candid
and open with each other so that the mirroring effect we play for each other can
come into full effect."
EXACTLY. SO LIVE AND LET LIVE. THE SPIRITUAL LIFE IS NOT ABOUT FIXING
ONE ANOTHER'S PERSONALITIES OR TRYING TO CONTROL HOW OTHERS WILL ACT IN THE FUTURE.
IT IS ABOUT LOOKING UP AND OUT IN THE SAME DIRECTION. WHILE MOST PECK AT CRUMBS ON
THE GROUND, THE HEAVENS ABOVE ARE OPENING AND BEING OVERLOOKED.
CATACLYSM IS IMMINENT, JEAN. ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU WISH TO FOCUS UPON AND FIDDLE ABOUT
WITH THESE INSIGNIFICANT TRIFLES? FOR IN THE LIGHT OF WHAT IS ABOUT TO OCCUR, TRIFLES
IS REALLY ALL THEY ARE.
... and generally manipulating, presenting yourself as perfect and all others as wrong
(no wonder your are now again alone in your sect Simon) threatening others of your
version of hell -- as countless future incarnations on other planets, etc., etc.
AS LONG AS THE CONSCIENCE IS CLEAR (AND I ALWAYS ENSURE THAT MINE IS!), THEN PERSONALITY
REACTIONS ARE THE KARMIC LIBERTIES/LIABILITIES OF OTHERS, AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO
WITH ME. I WALK MY TALK, AND IF
PERSONALITIES CHOOSE TO PROJECT THEIR ADULTERATED PERCEPTIONS,
ANIMOSITIES AND FEARS ONTO ME OR ANYONE ELSE, THAT IS THEIR OWN AFFAIR AND WILL DEFINITELY
SHAPE THEIR DESTINY. THE WORK GOES AHEAD WITH OR WITHOUT THEIR APPROVAL, AS DO I.
WE ARE HERE FOR THE MORE MATURE SOULS, JEAN, AS ONLY THESE CAN BE
HARVESTED. THE KINDERGARTEN SOULS WILL HAVE TO RETAKE THE FINAL
EXAMINATION ON ANOTHER PLANET ELSEWHERE IN THE FUTURE. THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE
IN THIS WORK, FOR THE SCRIPTURES MUST AND WILL BE FULFILLED. WE IGNORE IGNORANCE
AND DO NOT COMPROMISE ON THE TRUTH FOR FOOLS. THIS IS THE SIFTING TIME. SOULS SIFT
THEMSELVES BY THEIR CHOICE TO SERVE THE PLAN OR OBJECT TO PETTY DETAILS AND SO SEPARATE THEMSELVES
FROM THE THE "CHOSEN ONES". I WILL NOT WALK ON EGGSHELLS FOR SENSITIVE (FEARFUL/IGNORANT)
PERSONS MORE THAN I AM ALREADY, AND I *AM* ALREADY HOLDING BACK MUCH - YOU HAVE NO IDEA. . . .
INDIVIDUALS WHO ARE ATTACHED TO ANYTHING IN THE FALLEN WORD (INCLUDING THE PERSONALITY
VEHICLES THROUGH WHICH THE SOUL EXPRESSES) WILL CERTAINLY NOT ATTAIN THE FINAL LIBERATION
IN THIS ROUND, SOON TO BE COMPLETED, NOR ARE THEY LIKELY EVEN TO MAKE THE LESSER HARVEST. PONDER WELL.
Finally, you suggested me Simon...
MAY I SUGGEST THAT YOU DELVE DEEPLY AND EARNESTLY WITHIN YOURSELF AND ASK *WHY* YOU
WISH TO BE OF SERVICE TO HUMANITY.
Well, it is certainly not to promote a fanatic "uncompromising" 2-person group based
on deceit and manipulation that uses esoteric knowledge from others to create their
own and only acceptable version of "truth" while pretending absolutely *all* other
organizations on Earth have lost their "capstone aspect", as you so often said, meaning
that only Truth Fellowship has it. This leads directly to the most extreme forms
of fanaticism, and a few hundred years later to just another version of "holy jihad"
on behalf of God and "truth".
Don't you see it Simon?...
I do not deny that you strongly believe doing all this with good intents and an uncompromising
desire to serve the Divine Plan *as you understand it*. You are very intelligent
and received some worthy pieces of understanding in your 8 year-long quest to find out what is true from what is false in this world. You've really laboured long
hours to put together a comprehensive picture of reality *as you see it* and done
your best to bring others to align with this picture - to very little avail.
Yet in the end, this is just another trance-like perception of the world. Everyone
chooses to live in the trance "reality" that fits best their own evolutionary requirements.
Yours is very peculiar and could be helpful to others if it was not presented as
the only *Truth", but as just another interpretation of life and what this universe
is all about.
As long as we live in this dimension and are subject to its multifarious forms of
influence, no one can attain true, total, clear, unadulterated understanding of what
reality really IS.
Pretending as you do that you've almost entirely done away with your personality is
not only misleading to yourself but also misleading to others who have been convinced
by your sincerity and the esoteric knowledge that you apparently possess (but only
because you pilfered it from hundreds of books).
Contrary to what you pretend, you *do* loose your temper as anyone else and as Margaret
has reportedly observed when you had problems with your car, for instance.
Also pretending that you no longer sleep at night, as if you were some kind of superhuman,
as has allegedly been the case for the last 4 years according to you, is just another
embellishing lie as we have all been able to see when we stayed with you at the Chalice Well House where you spent so much time sleeping in your room.
You have way too many normal human frailties such as being a quite substantial beer
drinker (while saying it is OK for you to be drunk just like so many other gurus
because your mind is so clear that this can't really impair your judgement and thinking),
or such as being a womanizer as we and, especially Margaret, have observed, to have
anything else than a normal, average personality Simon.
You are still very immature Simon despite all your grand pretending to the contrary
and should indeed take a big break from it all ("I AM PRESENTLY CONSIDERING GOING
INTO SILENCE") as you wrote and seek true humility and honestly admit that you still
have much experience to gain before being truly able to guide anyone else on any spiritual
path.
Near the very beginning of our contacts, I wrote to you:
"I always felt - and still feel - strong inner resistance and repulsiveness towards
all those gurus, however saint or good they might appear, because their actions and
domination of their followers always reveal their true dark nature. If you had behaved
like any of those gurus, I would have rejected you. But you are transparent, you speak
the Truth however hard it might be to receive at the other end (and you never flatter!)
for True Love always speak the Truth as it is because it's the only way to open someone else's blinded eyes and really help others see Divine Reality. "
(end of quote)
I was naively believing that the picture I was getting from you through our numerous
(over 200!) email communications was an accurate depiction of who you were. Still
I had some nagging doubts that kept creeping back to mind in the midst of all my
dedicated commitment to help Truth Fellowship grow and attract more people. And this is why
I felt it was so urgent for me to actually meet with you face to face and see if
the picture you presented in all your writings (some of which has now been proven
to come not from you -- mainly the correspondence course which made such a profound impression
on me) was true, and thus why I decided to invest money I did not have to go in England
and find it out.
What a cruel disappointment... And what a tough reckoning to do now that I was misled
all along... The biggest reckoning of all being that there was not a glimmer of love
radiating from you, but only the cold logic of an intelligent and very controlling
mind. True, when we were doing the satsang sessions, some true moments of magic occurred;
but it had very little to do with any of your teaching and almost everything to do
with the highly potent nature of the teaching from the Tibetan master Dwhal Khul
that we were reading.
If there is any good in all this experience - for there is always some good in any
experience - it is the discovery of this material from Dwhal Khul given through Alice
Bailey ("Serving Humanity" which I'll indeed post on my website soon with proper
credit to and permission from the Lucis Trust organization publishing this material), as
well as the excellent material from the Lectorium Rosicricianum. But also -- and
hopefully this experience will benefit many other people as well, for all people
with whom I'm in contact will be invited to read this very letter to be posted on my website
-- another important lesson is the realization that it is not only futile but can
also be dangerous to rely on anyone else's interpretation of "truth" or "reality"
to govern one's own life.
So with these words, I bid you my final farewell Simon and will continue radiating
unconditional Love, for you need, as everyone else, to receive this touch of grace
from God that can open the heart and clear the mind from all hubris.
Jean Hudon
Quebec, Canada
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